


Good Housekeeping

by TheBookishFeminist



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25935961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBookishFeminist/pseuds/TheBookishFeminist
Summary: The siblings' decision to hire a housekeeper doesn't go over well with Diego. After all, no one can replace Grace and he will stop at nothing to roust the interloper - or will he?
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Good Housekeeping

~~~~ Prologue ~~~~

"Ahhh, midnight. The hour of secrets, the hour of shenanigans, the hour of…  _ snacks _ ." 

With a dramatic flourish, Klaus threw open the door to the kitchen, feeling more than seeing Ben roll his eyes behind his back. "Shush now, my spectral sidekick. You know I get peckish when sleep eludes me." he stage-whispered as he traipsed further into the semi-darkness. 

"I wonder if Luther still hides his Twinkie stash behind that organic muesli he pretends to eat for breakfast. Hardly creative, if you ask me, but then he was never ver-Ahhhhnnya! Vanya! Christ on a cracker, Sis you scared me half to death." Klaus clutched his chest, bare beneath a frilly pink robe, as he caught sight of his sister's form bent over the sink.

"What the ever loving f- are you  _ washing the dishes?! At midnight?!"  _

Vanya fixed her gaze on the floor sheepishly. "Well, yeah. I mean, look around. Ever since Mom…you know…the place isn't exactly what it once was. I-I try to keep up but it's just so huge and-" she shrugged, scattering soapy spuds across the tiles at her feet. "Nights are the only time when nothing else is going on. So…here I am." At her explanation, Klaus' expression softened. "Oh Vanny, you shining pearl of a sister. You know you don't have to do this alone we-" he stopped mid-sentence as heavy footsteps, poorly concealed and accompanied by a faint mumble, floated in from the hallway. 

"...only  _ one  _ Twinkie tonight, maybe two. Really ought to cut back…"

With a snicker, Klaus faced the hulking form lingering in the doorway. "The jig is up, brother dearest. We all know you're hoarding snacks, no need to be sneaky about it. Not that you're very good at stealth to begin with." Even Vanya had to stifle a giggle at the look on Luther's face, the expression of  _ deer in the headlights  _ comically at odds with her brother's imposing bulk. "I, uh, heard voices and I thought I'd better check…"

Klaus' snort interrupted him. Without taking his eyes off Luther, he reached behind a box on the top shelf, emerging with three small packages. He tossed one to each of his siblings, hastily jumping back at the cascade of dishwater following Vanya's scramble to catch the pastry. "Worry not, your secret will be safe with us - if you share." Klaus grinned, hopping up on the counter as he tore open the foil. With an air of resignation, Luther sank into a kitchen chair, his eyes alighting on Vanya, brow wrinkling in confusion.

Before he could form a comment, a blue flash illuminated the room, revealing a distracted looking Five.

"...calculations were almost right, I was so sure, now if only..  _ Gah _ !" It wasn't often that the eldest Hargreeves was caught off guard but the sight of his siblings, in various degrees of sleepwear, munching Twinkies in the middle of the night took even him by surprise. He recovered quickly, his trademark smirk sliding firmly into place. 

"Slumber party, is it? Thought you wanted to cut back on the sugar, big guy." his scathing tone held no real venom as he stretched on his tiptoes to reach the dwindling Twinkie supply. Ignoring Luther's muttered complaint of  _ Is nothing sacred anymore?,  _ Five set about brewing a pot of coffee before he leaned against the counter next to Klaus, crumbs raining from his cake as he took a bite. 

Vanya's eyes zeroed in on the mess but the banging of the front door momentarily distracted her from her oncoming rant. 

The creaking of leather and faint squish of wet boots on tile announced Diego's arrival. As he rounded the corner, he did a double take, eyes skipping over each Hargreeves in turn before settling on Five. "Did I miss the memo that said  _ midnight meeting?  _ Last time I checked, I was part of this family too." he huffed, cutting directly to what was fast becoming the most popular shelf the kitchen had ever seen, knocking over the box of muesli in his quest for sweets. The carton toppled over, adding clumps of oats and dried fruit to the mix of cake crumbs and mud Diego had tracked in. "Ah, man did you eat the last Twinkie? I swear to God, I never-" 

The words died in his throat, his eyes widening as he and his brothers looked at Vanya. 

A faint glow emanated from her chest, pupils white as a tremor rocked her frame, making the cups and glasses rattle in their cupboards. 

"Enough." Her voice resonated, sending two vases in the hallway crashing to the floor. "Day in, day out, I try to take care of this place. Look at it! Look at this mess! This is your home too, and it's in shambles. I'm sick and tired of being the only responsible one here, guys." The light died down, her eyes returning to their normal color but the steel in them didn't soften. Every man in the room seemed to develop a sudden fascination with the floor, the wallpaper,  _ anything _ that allowed them to avoid the accusation written across her face. "Come on, you must see it too. I… I

I think we should hire someone to take care of the house. It's just too much and I can't-" 

"No." Diego's voice cut across her explanation, his tone sharp and final. "We are not replacing Mom. I won't allow it." He crossed his arms, glaring at each of them in turn, daring anyone to object. Vanya's gaze softened. "We're not replacing her, Diego. This will forever be her home, and we'll honor her memory. But we clearly cannot keep on top of things here. Do you think she'd want the house to look like this?" she asked quietly, gesturing at the general mess. Diego sniffed. "S'not that bad. And I'll have you know I help too. I mop, occasionally." 

Klaus' laughter filled the room, dispersing some of the tension. "You do not  _ mop _ , my bro, you  _ mope _ . The difference one tiny letter can make, hey?" he teased cheerfully. 

"Who's moping and why are we all in the kitchen in the middle of the night?  _ Klaus, is that my robe?! _ " Allison's voice intruded on the scene, hands on her hips as she stared down her brother. Klaus shrugged nonchalantly. "You have to admit, it looks better on me anyway. Pink really isn't your color, Sis." he pushed off the counter, ignoring his siblings' collective groans of  _ eww _ as the movement revealed that he wore nothing beneath said robe. "You know what, you're right. Just- just keep it. I'd have to burn it otherwise." Allison added, hastily averting her eyes. "Anyway, what's going on? I heard a crash, is everything alright?" 

Diego beat the others to answering. "No. It's not. Vanya wants to replace Mom and-" 

Just before he could gather steam, Five spoke up. "She does not and she has a point. None of us are what you'd call adept at housekeeping and while all you guys ever do is shoot the breeze all day, I actually have more on my plate than picking up after your lazy asses - and Vanya shouldn't have to either, so I say, let's hire someone. It's not like we can't afford it. All in favor?"

Five hands shot up immediately, leaving a scowling Diego to stew in his resentment. Without a word, he spun around and stalked from the kitchen, not without snatching the half eaten Twinkie from Klaus' hand with a death glare. 

"Ah well, let him enjoy his cakey victory, he'll come around. Alright folks, I'm all for clandestine night-time meetings but I need my beauty sleep now. I trust one of you responsible fellas will handle the hiring. Nighty night." With a jaunty wave, Klaus exited the kitchen just in time to watch Diego trudge up the staircase to his room.

"He takes Mom's death so hard, I hope he'll be alright." Ben's concerned voice sounded from behind him. Klaus snorted, heading towards the stairs as well. "Oh, our knife-loving brother will be fine. Now hurry before Luther goes up, there's a Snickers bar in his sock drawer with my name on it."

~~~~ Four weeks later ~~~~

"... and this is the kitchen. If you could keep on top of the dishes, sweep, maybe cook every once in a while, that'd be great." Vanya explained as she showed around the woman who would be taking over as their housekeeper. Hiring someone had proven surprisingly difficult. Many balked at the sheer size of the house, some took one look at the ragtag band of siblings and hightailed it and of the few that didn't shy away from the task or the company, most were rejected by one sibling or another, usually Five.  _ "Too lazy, too suspicious, seems untrustworthy, that one can't tell a broom from a bagel."  _ were some of his verdicts, eliminating most candidates until only one remained.

Diana Pierce was a formidable woman in her 30ies who exuded a no-nonsense attitude that immediately quelled even Five's resistance. When, during her job interview, she'd absent-mindedly started arranging the throw pillows in a precise, geometrical pattern, even he had to admit they'd found  _ the one _ . The only mark against her was the vague explanation she'd given for wanting the job, citing " _ personal reasons _ " in such a way that made it clear further inquiries weren't welcome. She had, however, accepted the siblings' offer to board with them as their live-in-housekeeper, an arrangement that would make her myriad tasks around the imposing estate considerably easier. 

She'd arrived early that morning with a small suitcase, eager to get to work after depositing her meager belongings in her designated room. 

Sure enough, once Vanya finished her tour of the house, Diana started tackling the teetering pile of dishes, rinsing plates and cups while the water heated. Satisfied that the new addition to their household could be left to her own devices, Vanya smiled warmly and left her to it. 

As soon as the woman exited the room, Diana heaved a sigh, surveying the chaos. She'd have her work cut out for her.  _ Nothing for it.  _ With a deep breath, she braced herself. 

~~~~~

Diego had been in a foul mood all week. Ever since his traitorous siblings had decided to hire a housekeeper, he'd stayed away as much as he could, the familial bond the only reason he didn't move back into his basement room. His family needed him, even more so now that an interloper had found her way into their midst. 

He was aware that he was being a tad dramatic about it but the thought of some random  _ woman  _ taking over his mother's domain just didn't sit right with him. 

Prowling the streets all day did nothing to distract him from the fact that, once he returned,  _ the woman  _ would be there, so when the skies opened in a sudden downpour, he beat a hasty retreat towards the Academy. 

As soon as he stepped into the foyer, the sound of Klaus' voice, accompanied by feminine laughter wafting from the kitchen set him on edge. Ignoring Vanya's new rule of  _ No outdoor shoes around the house,  _ he stomped towards the sound, spinning one of his knives in an unconscious gesture. 

"... and then he went, ' _ it's a dead giveaway, isn't it _ '?" Klaus said, chortling at what was clearly the tail end of a joke he'd been telling. It wasn't long before he spotted his brother's surly form hovering by the door. 

"Ah, Diego, there you are, my broodiest bro! Have you met our new Fairy Godmother? Diana, meet Diego, Diego, that's Diana. Isn't she simply to  _ Di  _ for?" 

Ignoring both the horrible pun and the woman's outstretched hand, Diego stalked towards the fridge, forcing her to jump out of his way before he could knock into her. Once he'd grabbed a bottle of water, he turned, pinning the woman with a hostile glare. "So. The help has arrived at last. Aren't we paying you to work instead of joking around with this clown here?" he sneered, studiously ignoring the way her rather pretty face slowly reddened. Expecting a demure response befitting the blush, Diego was totally taken aback by her next words. 

"What I'm getting  _ paid  _ for is taking care of this mess you call a household, not to stand here and take insults from a guy who can't even take his shoes off like a normal person. You may be  _ one  _ of my employees but that doesn't mean I'll take any abuse from you" she challenged, the angry flush suffusing her features more pronounced after her heated outburst. 

Behind her, Klaus snickered quietly, pointing twin finger guns at his gobsmacked brother before he crept from the kitchen, leaving Diego to the woman's - admittedly deserved - wrath. 

"I l-li…" he swallowed, willing himself to continue without a stutter, the inevitable thought of his mother coaching him through his episodes fueling his anger. "I  _ live  _ here. If I choose to paint the walls with mud that's my right.  _ You _ are here to fix that  _ mess.  _ Just know I've got my eye on you. One toe out of line and you're gone, got it? Good." Without waiting for a response he sallied from the room, nearly bowling straight into Allison who'd just come down for a snack. 

"The hell, Diego? Hey!" she called at her brother's retreating back, shaking her head as she watched him go. A few minutes later, a door slammed, causing her to wince as she turned an apologetic gaze on their new housekeeper. "I'm so sorry about that, I swear he isn't usually this rude." she sighed, perching on one of the chairs arranged around the small breakfast table. "Diego he.. He's a good guy, he really is. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer,  _ ha _ , but he has a big heart. Only, ever since our mother passed, he…" Allison trailed off, lost in her own grief for a moment. When a tentative hand settled on her shoulder, she jolted back to the present. 

"Don't worry about it, I can handle a few unfriendly comments. And I'm sorry about your mother." The sincerity and compassion evident in her tone warmed Allison and she briefly reached up to squeeze the woman's hand. "Thank you, Diana. Just stay out of his way and if he gives you any trouble, you come to me, okay? Now, in your interview you claimed you make a mean grilled cheese…"

~~~~~

The weeks passed, and Diego watched. 

He watched as  _ the woman  _ \- he refused to refer to her by her given name - wormed her way into his siblings' affections, even winning over Five with some throwaway comment about advanced physics.  _ What business does a simple housekeeper have knowing about that in the first place?  _ he wondered not for the first time as he listened to them volley theorems and equations back and forth while she prepared dinner. The food was delicious, of course, and he hated it. 

Well did he recall the first morning after that memorable showdown when he'd found a stack of perfect pancakes, drizzled with syrup and decorated with an assortment of berries sitting in front of his usual chair. Luther and Klaus were seated already, happily digging in and his sneer went unnoticed at first. 

"Something wrong with the food? Any allergies I should know about?" her clear voice sounded, stopping both men with their forks halfway to their mouths, waiting to see how he'd react. It had been Klaus who eventually broke the silence, of course. With a mock pout, he'd tutted. "Really, Diego, just because the fruit aren't arranged into a smiley face the way Mom used to doesn't make it inedible, you know. It's really quite good." Luther had nodded enthusiastically, clearly trying to act as mediator between his two more volatile siblings but Diego had simply pushed back his chair and stormed off, once more taking to the streets in a bid to clear his head. 

It was then he'd made the decision. Who was this random stranger to drive him from his home? He'd said he'd keep an eye on her, hadn't he? So that, he vowed, is what he'd do. 

And so he did. 

She was clever, he had to give her that. At first, even his keen scrutiny could detect nothing untoward. Diana got up early every day, made breakfast, went about her various chores around the house and eventually retreated to the kitchen to start dinner preparations. Often, she was joined by one sibling or another, talking science with Five, joking with Klaus, listening with interest to Luther's stories about his time on the moon, chatting with Allison and Vanya about anything and everything. It grated on Diego's nerves that they all accepted her so readily, treating her more like a friend than the servant she was. 

Still, he bided his time and continued watching until, a couple months in, he finally had a breakthrough. " _ Gotcha _ ." he murmured triumphantly as he watched her sneak out one evening, a large bag furtively clutched to her chest. 

Diego didn't waste any time. With sure, heavy steps he barged into Five's room, ignoring his brother's annoyed scowl. "She's stealing from us." he declared without preamble, practically vibrating with righteous vindication. 

Utterly unimpressed, his elder sibling made a show of marking the page in the dusty tome he'd been perusing, fixing Diego with an impatient look. "Who's stealing and what did they take? And make it quick I'm in the middle of something." he snapped, tapping his fingers on the tabletop in emphasis. 

"That woman. Diana. She- No hear me out. I just saw her leave, furtive as any criminal. She was carrying something, some large box or-" 

This time, Five's voice halted his hurried explanation. 

"Diego you need to let this go. I swear to God, this fixation of yours is unhealthy. So she left. Big deal. She's our employee, not our prisoner. And that parcel she was carrying? Did you actually see her take something of ours? I've had it with your paranoia, I don't have time for this nonsense. Now, unless you have actual proof I kindly suggest you bugger off." He returned his attention to the book, effectively dismissing his sibling. 

If he hadn't known with certainty that, even trapped in the body of a 13 year old, Five would likely kick his ass in a fight, Diego would have been tempted to punch him. Instead, he returned to his room, fuming and determined. Next time, he would find proof. 

One way or another, Diana's days at the Academy were numbered. 

~~~~~~

He didn't have to wait long. The following evening, he'd found a shadowy nook with a view of the front door which no one who hadn't grown up in this house would ever think to look at. Sure enough, when Diana crept down the stairs, a seemingly heavy bundle securely held in both hands, her gaze skipped right over his hiding place. 

At the last minute, Diego slipped out after her just as the door was about to slam shut. So intent was she on her hurried progress that she didn't notice his silent form following as she wove her way through the city, cutting across one of the few parks that offered a splash of green amidst the concrete before her steps led her up a graveled drive to a large structure, brightly lit against the dusk. 

Diego frowned, waiting for her to disappear inside before he slowly approached the building. A large signpost decorated with a stylized sun greeted him at the entrance, welcoming him to the  _ Sunnyvale Nursing Home.  _ His frown deepened. What an odd place to conduct…whatever shady business she was involved in. 

His woolgathering didn't go entirely unnoticed. A young man in a nurse's uniform tapped him on the shoulder, making him jump violently. The guy eyed the leather and knives with a wary eye, yet his smile never faltered. "Can I help you, Sir? You here to visit a relative?" he inquired, leading Diego into what looked like a reception area. 

A horrible suspicion dawned but he was not yet ready to accept defeat. "Actually I'm, uh, waiting for a friend. Diana-" he racked his brain for her last name but needn't have bothered. As soon as the words left his lips, the nurse's face lit up. "You're a friend of Di's? She never brings anyone, I'm so happy to meet you. Here, sit. Would you like some coffee while you wait? Tell you the truth, we were all starting to worry about her. The way she works day and night to support her parents, so tragic, isn't it, that car crash? And Lord knows the fees here are ridiculous - please don't tell anyone I said that - and her stopping by whenever she can to bring them home cooked food now? I've been at this job for years and let me tell you, few people are  _ that  _ caring and dedicated to their family. I'm glad she has someone as…formidable as you to look after her." the man gushed, completely oblivious to the expression on Diego's face. 

Hot shame raced through him, the thought of his abysmal behavior a sharp stab of guilt as reality sunk in. So caught up was he in his ruminations that he barely noticed the glass doors leading further into the building sliding open to reveal a very surprised Diana. 

"Diego? What are you doing here?" her voice, equal parts incredulous and suspicious, managed to snap him out of his reverie. For a long moment, all he could do was stare at her, noting the empty casserole dish in one hand, large purse clutched in the other.

"I thought I'd, um, walk you home. It's dark. Outside." he babbled inanely, unable to meet her eyes, gaze fixed firmly on her right shoulder. He could feel disbelief radiating off her but to his surprise, she nodded. "Yeah, that'd be nice, thank you." with a much more genuine smile, she turned to the nurse. "Have a good shift, Chris, I'll pick up the other one tomorrow." she said, lifting the dish before she stowed it in her purse. After waving at the assembled staff, Diana followed Diego outside, turning up the collar of her coat against the chill. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her shift the bag. "Here, let me." he offered, hefting the purse over his shoulder before she could object. 

They walked in silence for a while, taking the route through the park by unspoken consent. Night had fallen in earnest and a light swirling of snowflakes danced across the sky, glittering like a million tiny crystals under the streetlights. Diana's steps slowed, face turned up with a smile. "I love snow. Always have. It's so peaceful, don't you think? So calm and quiet and clean." She opened her eyes to look at him. "Why did you  _ really  _ come?" she asked quietly, rooting him to the spot with the intensity of her gaze. This time, he didn't look away, shame and discomfort written across his features. "I was following you. Thought you, ah, were stealing from us." he shook the bag for emphasis, the innocent dish rattling faintly against her keys. "I wanted proof. To show the others. To get you out." he said, deciding for total honesty. He figured he owed her that. 

Diana regarded him for a long moment before she jerked her head at one of the wrought-iron benches dotted around the grounds. Diego hastened ahead, sweeping the seat clear of what little snow had congregated. Once seated, she angled her body towards his, a faint crease between her brows indicating her confusion. "I'm no fool, I knew you didn't want me working for you, but…  _ why?  _ Why go to such lengths just to get rid of me?" the genuine puzzlement and hurt in her tone twisted the metaphorical blade of guilt in his chest. For the first time it occurred to him that, if Grace had still been alive and capable of the emotion, she would have been ashamed of him. Aware of the tendency to revert to his childhood stutter when agitated, he took a moment to compose himself. Diana waited patiently, never taking her eyes off his. "I f-felt that y-you…" he silently cursed himself, angrily closing his eyes so the gentle touch on his forearm took him completely by surprise. When he looked at her again, he saw not the rage or disdain he so clearly deserved. All he saw was compassion and kindness, something that had been in short supply throughout his life and therefore all the more precious. "It's because of your mother, isn't it? Allison told me that you- that it was especially hard on you because of how close you were." 

Diego nodded slowly, his expression mirroring the sadness he felt whenever he thought of his Mom. "To me you were like an intruder. Stealing h-her p-place. It's r-ridiculous I know, but-" The hand on his arm squeezed firmly. "No, it's not ridiculous. I'll admit, you definitely should have gone about it in a different manner, but I get where you're coming from. You feel…alone, don't you? Abandoned. Lost without her. You could have talked to me, you know? I would have understood. I  _ do  _ understand." And she really did. He could see it in her expression. Her words hit him hard. Not even his siblings fully grasped just how much he missed their mother. 

He tentatively reached out to cover her hand with his own, frowning at how cold it was. Gently, he started chafing her skin, a faint smirk tugging at his lips when goosebumps erupted along her exposed wrist.

" Thank you." he said solemnly, never ceasing in his attempt to warm her. When, after a moment, she pulled her hand away, he felt strangely bereft, only to huff a surprised chuckle when she placed the other hand in the same spot, wriggling her fingers for him to continue his ministrations. "Don't you own gloves, woman?" he muttered even as he complied, reaching over to grab both her hands in his so he could warm them simultaneously. 

"Got a pair in my purse but this is better." she teased, shifting closer so their shoulders touched. Diego looked at her again, more relieved at her forgiveness than he'd expected to be. "What happened? To your parents?" he asked. It had touched him, her dedication to her family. He could empathize with that. 

Diana sighed deeply, her eyes clouding over with grief. "Car accident. They were returning home one night from a concert and… a truck hit them. My Dad, he's paralyzed from the neck down and my Mom she… she sustained a head injury." her voice trembled and Diego tightened his grip on her hands in a silent gesture of support. "They both require full time care now, so I moved back from Boston, I was getting my doctorate in physics but the pay wasn't nearly enough to afford the nursing home. The job with you guys, it's perfect, really. I don't have to pay rent, I live close by, so.." Diana trailed off, finally clearing the mystery of why someone with her qualifications settled for a simple - albeit well paid - housekeeper position. He felt even more like a piece of shit for the way he'd treated her.

"Listen, if there's anything that we- that  _ I  _ can do, just-" A small smile blossomed on her face at his clumsy offer. "Thank you, I'd settle for not being stalked anymore. Although… maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all, huh?" she asked, pointedly looking down at their entwined hands. 

"Maybe you're right." Diego replied softly, the swell of emotions this time decidedly not antagonistic. "So, how about we start over?" he asked, catching her eye, the tingly feeling intensifying at what he read there. 

The smile made way for a warm grin even as a shiver wracked her body. "I would like that. Very much. How about we get out of the cold, for starters? Then you can think of something to make it up to me." she winked, pulling him with her as she rose. 

Diego laughed, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm as he led her back home, his mind already whirring with possibilities. 

This time, he vowed, he would treat her right. 

This time he would be the man his mother would be proud of. 

  
  



End file.
